Tiered Dating

Once a female friend and I were having a conversation regarding dating and she proposed the idea that people usually date others who are in the same tier of looks as they are.   I have a couple thoughts I would like to hit on this one.  Let’s hop into a little Funkosophy!

                First off, I can see where she was going with this and to some extent I agree, but, if I recall the conversation correctly, she doesn’t be that people date up or down a tier.  I do, figuratively and literally.  Technically, I can’t say I have dated up or down a level, but I am willing to and there are always exceptions which is why I say “literally.”  Whether an outsider thinks I am in the same level is all subjective.  Still, people will, if given the option date up a level and I think that a person’s personality is what allows this.  Hypothetically speaking, if everyone one of the opposite sex in your tier and above had completely heinous personalities you would be willing to date down a tier for the possibility of finding someone with a good personality.  To the same extent, if you  have a good personality you have your tier +1 allowing you to be the benefactor of this past scenario.  Do we date people who are about as good-looking as we are?  Most likely.  If so, is it movable?  Yes.

                My second pondering on this…what tier do I fall on?  Is it all just self-image?  Yes, it’s subjective so you may agree or disagree with me on this, but I don’t think I am in “the highest tier.”  I might be a step down at best.  I, generally, consider myself rather average looking.  I am certainly not a young David Beckham.  I think my sense of style, awareness of what works and doesn’t, etc works in my favor and bumps me up a little, but slap me in jeans and a t-shirt along with many other average Joes and what do  you get?  Just a lineup of average people.  I’m not fishing for a compliment (though you may not believe me) and like I said earlier, it’s subjective.  Maybe there are a hundred tiers?  If that is the case and I’m on Tier 99, that’s d@mned good (unless one hundred is the low!).  If there are three tiers, then I am second best and second worst.  All I know is I am not David Beckham, Hugh Grant, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, etc.  I’d rather be who I am anyways. :-P

Loneliness and tact

     I'm only going to say this once, which is weird because if you are blogging it then you are saying it as many times as someone decides to read it.  Either way...here's another Funkosophy.

      I get lonely, much like everyone does at times, but I never say anything about it because no matter how lonely I may be or why there is no justification.  I have many friends and so if I am just physically or mentally lonely it is my own fault for not calling up a friend to hang out and converse.  And if I am emotionally lonely, particularly, there is even less of an excuse.  There are more than a couple women I know who would be more than willing to love me if I gave them the chance.  Obviously, I feel reciprocation is equally as important.  It is because of this, and out of respect for them and their emotions that I do my best, even if I feel like I am Omega Man and misunderstood, that I do not say anything and deal with it in my head.  The ship will right itself eventually and thus there is no need to call on someone who is dealing with their own personal storm to set sail for me.  Yes, I get lonely, but it is my own fault.

Song Lyrics

Obviously, some song lyrics make you think more than others and being a singer I find myself particularly paying attention to the lyric because I need to know if this is a message I truly want to convey.  If you can’t fully support the lyric than how are you going to convince the audience that you have lived or are living it?  And then there are times in which the lyric is intended to be interpreted a certain way, but I hear it another thus find it ridiculous and cannot, once again, support the song.  There will be a few blogs coming up regarding such lyrics as I find them.  Off the top of my head I can think of two songs whose lyrics will be written about:

1.       Do they know it’s Christmas

2.       You Are Too Beautiful

There will be lyrics…errrrrr…words! :-P

Want vs Need - a new poem

I need air,
I want it clean.
I need water,
I want it cool.
I need love,
But I want yours...

Lovely Logic

Were that it so simple
Basic arithmetic
An algorithm
Logic proven
One,
The derivative of one, four, and three
One, four and three
The difference between fifty-seven and forty-one

Fifty-seven and forty-one...
The sum of two souls looking for answers.
Were it as simple as theoretical math...
Complicated, yet with the possibility of being proven...

     When many people think of those they have hurt in the past I feel as though they are rather non-chalant.  They might say, "Oh...yeah...that kind of sucked" or maybe even, "They deserved it."  When I think of those I have hurt, I feel pain and regret.  Not deep and tormenting pain and regret, but sincere pain and regret.  I think to myself, "Was I not <insert adjective here> enough to <insert my failing here>?"  My hope is that anyone who has entered my life has found my presence to bring some degree of happiness or fulfilling to them.  And for those who have had to leave it for one reason or another I hope that they find something greater than me for whatever they were seeking in me as soon as possible.  I am someone who believes in love.  I know I usually talk about "love," but in this case I am not referring to the emotional connection between two people, but in the sincere unconditional offering of good fortune for another's life journey.  There are some in my life that many would say I should wish ill upon, but even for them I hope they find that which I could not teach or bring into their life.  I am missing more than a couple people right now at this exact moment in my life.  One I loved considerably so in such a small duration of time that had you told me I would there would have been laughing.  One is a friend that shall not see again for a long time, God willing.  One is a friend I shall not see again until he finds some sort of peace of mind to pry him away from the self-destructive road he was on when I parted ways.  Obviously, I miss them because they are no longer in my life (though not all will be permanently out).  Still...I wish I could be for them what they wanted me to be.  I wish I could be a part of their joy.  Alas, I can only be myself, and so I shall be, hoping that Michael Funk is all they expect and want of me.

A dilemma...

I feel the need to have a “mental health” day from work.  Normally, not a problem except that so many of my friends work, so I would pretty much be sitting around my place doing nothing.  That’s okay for a lot of people, but for me it just feels like a waste of time.  If I sit somewhere lounging by myself for any long period of time I start to feel as though the walls are caving in around me.  I’m not quite sure what the answer is and life is only going to get busier.  Perhaps it’s time to Google “stress prevention?”

Thought, word, and deed.

Once a mentor of mine who shall remain nameless, but will be revealed by the example I give said something to me and couple others regarding the title above and its application to life.  On the plus side, he did not say anything bad about it, just how it relates to certain spiritual beliefs that I cannot prove or disprove.  He said, “Jewish people are lucky because our religion only cares about word and deed.  You Christians have thought to worry about.”  Like I said, I do not know if this is correct or not and frankly, it does not have to be to be amusing.  Onto the topic though!

                Immediately we can toss “word” in with “deed” because saying things is an action and can thus be considered a deed.  That makes for a very short paragraph on the topic eh?  “Word” is out…  That leaves us with “thought” and “deed” which I shall refer to as “intent” and “action” ok?   Word! >.>

                I was thinking about “intent” versus “action” today because they are different beasts and here are some things that I came up with:

1.       Good intent may lead to good or bad actions.

2.       Bad intent almost always leads to bad actions.

3.       When a bad action occurs I tend to judge the event based on the intent.

4.       When a good action occurs people tend to not think about the intent.

                I think my obsession with “intent” and “action” as they equate to results is based on the fact that 99% of my intentions are good.  And of those 99% good intentions the results are mostly not the desired one.  “The path to hell is paved with good intent” or so they say, but I refuse to believe that “intent” is that worthless unless one does not act on it.  Who can truly say with 100% accuracy what the given consequences of any action are?  And must we be so results driven that we fail to see the value of a golden heart?  For the record, I am not throwing a pity party here or questioning someone’s judgment of me.  It is pure pondering.  But…to get back on track it takes many failures before a stroke of genius yields something spectacular, so why not appreciate good intent with risk in the hope that some miracle occurs as opposed to “play-it-safe” actions?  Just a thought.  ;-)

The many possible roads...

Growing up there were many times in which I knew the quickest way to get from one destination to another.  My father, at times, would not take the most direct route and when questioned about it he would reply, “There’s more than one way to get there…”  Any response to that would yield the same reply and it was almost as if that scene, played out time and time again, came out of a National Lampoon’s movie.  Obviously, his philosophy is true figuratively and literally, but I have always preferred a more direct approach.

                Everyday we are presented with side roads and various paths to each and every goal that we have.  A short list of goals that I have and possible roads to them:

1.       Start a family

a.       Date random people I meet

b.      Date people I know that I normally would not

c.       Go on “The Bachelor”

d.      Match.com/Eharmony.com/whatever

e.      Have friends set me up

2.       Single digit body fat percentage

a.       Go to the gym for everything

b.      Run daily

c.       Isometrics

d.      Intramural sports

3.       Own a house

a.       Save money

b.      Win lotto

c.       Marry a celebrity

d.      Move the boonies

4.       Make a career of music

a.       Practice my @$$ off

b.      Gig

c.       Sing on a street corner

d.      Distribute demo cds

Obviously, some of the “paths” are more lucrative than others.  Some are just outright silly and require nothing other than luck (e.g. lotto) and some require daily work to achieve.  Hopefully you realize that the point of the list above is not to say that I am doing all or even any of these things, but that they are examples.  There are many things on that list that I will not do, but all the same.

                The point is that I could sing on a street corner hoping for that “right place, right time” that some people come across, but I will not.  I could go on “The Bachelor” and hope that A. one of the women is actually attractive enough for my picky nature and B. she is not a heinous individual, but I am not that desperate yet.  I could move out to the boonies to afford a house, but unless the property includes a stream, lake, river, forest, or something other than desert or sweeping plains it is not happening.  There is more than one way to get there, but side roads just are not my thing until I have reached the initial destination (which sounds REALLY shady when put in the context of dating/marriage…WHOOPS!).  Any thing worth having is worth waiting for and anything worth waiting for is worth suffering, sacrificing, and working for be it physical, mental, emotional, or material.

People changing

     I was spending time with some friends tonight when I overheard a conversation that I assume is about someone I know.  I am 99% sure that it is the person I thought it was about and I began to think about how I hoped that what was being said was not true.  Some facts probably were, but may have just been from the past with misinterpretation of the present.  I certainly hope so...and here is why...

     Everyone makes mistakes.  I have made mistakes and I know some people who about some of them, and some people know about all of them.  One of them I have never made public outside of a few trusted (and one who turned out to be not so trustworthy) individuals.  The fact is that years ago I cheated on a girlfriend who loved me tremendously.  No, I did not sleep with the other woman, but there was emotional infidelity and I kissed her on more than one occasion.  She was gracious enough to forgive me and never held it against me.  They say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" and  that was something that I even touted and believed in for a good portion of my life.  It is no longer a belief of mine because if that is the case then there is no way that I can ever have a functional, romantic, and trusting relationship in my life.  No chance of love.  The one thing I would take over anything else offered to me in life.  I have to believe that I can change...  I will be a sad and lonely individual if I cannot...
     People can change.  I hope that the person referenced initially has indeed changed.  I hope that I have changed.  I feel I have, but I know some do not feel as much.  On top of that, I am ever regretful and ashamed of my transgressions...  I do not really know what else to say without repeating myself.  It is very simple and yet quite complex.
    

Two posts in one day?!?! #2 - Dumb luck or subconscious premonition?

     So...I do not know if I am the constant benefactor of dumb luck or if my brain is subconsciously working at a higher level.  No, it is nothing spectacular, but I will take it regardless of what it is.  Let me give you an example of what has been happening:

      This morning I woke up and was really tired.  I got up, changed my alarm to 8am, and was resigned to driving to work (though I am trying to walk as much as possible).  I go about my routine: shower, pack lunch, etc. and start walking out to my car when I realize, "Oh snap...I need to go to Vons after work anyways to pick up something for dinner." 

I know...it is something really small and stupid, but I find myself constantly putting things places, doing things, and/or setting up things in an unintentional and unorthodox way that seems to benefit me in the end.  "Where did I throw this thing that I REALLY need RIGHT NOW as I'm running out the door?!  Oh...it is on the passenger seat of my car."  It is kind of creepy, yet entirely useful.  :-)

Divorces caused by finances...

Okay…I promise that two thirds of my posts will not be on love.  Then again…philosophical debates always revolve around thoughts, reason, and ethics, so a blog on why people get divorced due to money problems is technically sound.  This will be short, so don’t fret.

Basically, I find it kind of depressing that two people can fall in love, marry, and then let finances get between them.  It is one thing if one of the two is addicted to gambling, an impulse buyer, or something that is a recurring issue that has been brought up and communicated as a point of concern.  It seems, however, that a couple can go through rough financial times with each one doing all they can and still let a rift get between them.   I remember one morning on KFI that the combined finances of a married couple are much stronger than that of single people.  It OBVIOUSLY makes sense, so then how do two people in a relationship get to the point in which they believe they are better off without the other due to finances?  When I am stressed I find that having someone there makes things better for me, so casting out the one person I have promised to stand beside is not something I could ever do.  Perhaps it is much like separating business and personal?  Perhaps we have lost the ability to separate finances and personal in situations that they should be truly separated?  When the rings are on, the rice is thrown (isn’t that illegal now or something), and journey begins as a family I guarantee that I will not let outside financial tribulations  weaken my relationship.  I will use any and all bullsh!t as fertilizer to strengthen the roots!

Some of my philosophies on love and relationships...

     I would be a liar if I said that I would not like it if tomorrow I found the woman that I would spend the rest of my life with.  I think most people would be to be honest.  Yes, it is my preference to be set in career, emotional, mental, and physical state before I meet her,  but if presented with the option of working my ass off on a relationship AND myself at the same time in order to be with someone who is passionate about me and with whom I am passionate about I would take that job in a heartbeat. 
     Another thing that I know about that woman I eventually meet is that I am willing to give up anything so that she can have whatever she wants.  It is my belief that love is the willingness to sacrifice everything and yet knowing that your significant other will never ask that of you.  So far in life, I can say there have been less than a handful of women for which I would uproot my whole life and follow.  For one of them, that "love" is friendship because I knew from the start that she is pure of heart, an angel.  That works out mighty well considering that when I first met her she had a boyfriend, and a really great guy at that, who is now her fiance.  I do not think I could dislike that guy even if I wanted to.  Another woman...well...she is currently and may always be my greatest regret.  Some people say they do not have regrets regardless of the topic.  They are lying to themselves, but that is a topic for another night.  This woman...all she wanted was someone she could trust and I managed to find a way to mess that up.  Some would say that my mistake was not a big one, but the least and the greatest sin are equal in their most basic analysis.  And now my mind says to be logical about it all and move on while my heart says that if she calls, texts, or needs me for anything I must pick up that phone.  To wait for her would be journey.  A tough journey, but a prize well worth it. A potentially fruitless journey, but the potential return on investment is priceless.  Love is sacrifice and sacrifice is love.  It is the greatest form of love regardless of your religion or beliefs.  It is possible that I may find another woman that erases the memory of that one.  It is also possible that I could win the lottery, get struck by lightning, or die in my sleep tonight.  The world is weird that way.
     I feel as though I must say that as much as I believe in love I am also afraid of it.  I am afraid that I will fall completely for someone only to be hurt like I have in the past.  Being betrayed by a girlfriend is nothing one cannot recover from because you may not always be in love with the woman you are seeing (which is a whole different slew of problems!).  There are too many ways to hide infidelity, too many ways to make sure no one ever finds out, and society has provided too many ways to enable infidelity candidly or openly if you so choose.  It makes my heart wary and weary to think that someday I may find out that my wife is unfaithful.  Some readers may find this ironic with my flirtatious ways and slightly checkered past. I have made my mistakes, I have owned up to them, and at least I do not have any "dependents" running around with people I never loved (hell...I do not have any with people I DID love!!!!).  Still...I am slightly scared by the required vulnerability to truly love someone.  For to love is to open that chest of yours, present that cracked and glued back together fragile heart to this new person and say, "I trust you."  Sometimes you are even saying, "I forgive you...and I trust you." 
     Speaking of "forgiving,"  I have stated before and I will say it again that forgiving is sacrifice and thus falls under that category of "higher love."  I have had to forgive some people in my life of certain actions that many others would say do not warrant it.  I have forgiven and forgotten though some may say that is not possible.  The truth is that to forget is a choice.  There is one person in my life that I have forgiven and do not hold their transgression against them in any way, shape, or form regardless of the situation.  Granted, there are times when my subconscious tries to take control and say, "What if..." and I choose to beat it back with a stick leaving many odd stares from onlookers.  There is another who I have forgiven and forgotten, and yet will not let back in my life.  It is not like they have made much of an effort TO get back into my life, but I had to make the decision that regardless of what they did to me they do not have any resemblance of a moral compass.  I witnessed, and allowed, them to treat many other people poorly and never reacted until it was finally against me.  Forgiven...yes.  Forgotten...yes.  In my life, no.  There are lots of people you never let into your life for many reasons and yet you have never had to "forgive and forget" with them.  Thus...you can forgive and forget...if you choose to.
     There is a woman that I dated for almost two months.  She was thoroughly convinced that I did not love her as much as I said I did.  She thought that I did not know her well enough to love her that much.  That I was just trying to convince myself that I did.  I never backed down on my stance.  If you love someone and know that you do (and you will know if you truly do) then God damn it you stand your ground.  Everyone is always willing to tell you to profess every other feeling you have, to stand by your emotions and stick up for yourself, but suddenly it comes down to love and they think you should be a doormat?  No...never ever let someone tell you how you feel if you know the truth.  I am still here.  I still stand by my statements.  I will do so until I die.
     Finally, the mathematics of love.  The world's population is estimated to be at 7 billion in this year.  There is one of you.  IF there was only one perfect person for you the likelihood of you finding them would be ridiculous.  If there were a thousand perfect people for you...you probably would not find them.  It would take a miracle.  I do not know where I am going with this per say, but I have made the argument before (and do not want to go back to find it) and it all leads to the fact that you will find someone.  You will find someone AND it will feel like a miracle (which is a good thing).  Love is a miracle.  It saves us.  And I want to be saved...
    

What have we created?!?!

What have we indeed done here?  Well, first and foremost I tend to put all my thoughts in Facebook note format which in the end limits my sheer genius to only friends and "friends of friends."  Now, we would not want to pigeon hole ourselves would we?  That is a marketing no-no!!!  My ramblings will probably go up here and if I can link it to my Facebook I will, so that I do not have to copy and paste.  This also looks like a great place to mess around with html!!!!  Fun!!!  We will mess with this more tomorrow and perhaps I will even drum up a worthwhile introduction to this abomination that is letting my thoughts out into the world.  RUH-ROH!  This could get messy kids!  ;-)